This Horseboy thing has piqued my interest. I mean, the Google camera car in Aberdeen, Scotland is innocently cruising and photographing, cruising and photographing, cruising and photographing-when it snaps this horrendous and frightening sight.
Startling, isn’t it? Is this a prank, or is there a new breed of man-colt in Scotland? In the absence of any discernible mammaries, because of the apparent pot-belly, and regarding the total sartorial wreckage….we can safely assume this horse is of the colt variety. Or…..a filly, perhaps?
Summoning my vast and superior experience with all things equine, I’d like to offer my expertise in identifying likely suspects posing as Horseboy. After perusing the list, cast your vote. Together, we can stop the neighsayers and solve this equical mystery.
1. The Lindbergh Baybee. This young foal was last seen snoring in his straw in 1932. That makes this suspect a little long-in-the tooth. Does Horseboy look 78?
2. Amelia Marehart. In 1935, Marehart held the record high jump in the Grand Prix. After being caught in the bedding with a certain handsome bronc, the manure hit the fan. Her career inevitably stalled. Reining in her passions, she took a solo trailer ride and was never seen in the arena again. Could Horseboy really be Horsegirl?
3. D. B. Pooper. The year was 1971 and Pooper was a cinch to win Stallion of the Year. The entire world was knocking down his barn door seeking his studly services. On an ill-fated plane ride to Reno, Nevada, Pooper decided to bust his breeding shed. Fastidiously rigging together his horse blanket and halter, he donned a primitive parachute. Bolting at top speed, he broke through the cargo door of the plane. Pooper was never seen again, but he is famously listed in the anals of horse-breeding. Could Pooper have survived and loped his way to Scotland?
4. Jimmy Hoofa. Hoofa was the leader of the largest breed organization in 1975. The Feds suspected he was skimming green off the top of the union member’s feed rations. They dangled a carrot and Hoofa bit. Facing jail time and being accused of being a bald-faced liar, Hoofa muzzled himself for a time. He had a nagging feeling he shouldn’t show with two renegade Paint Horses, but he made the meeting. He got the gait and was never spotted again. Did Hoofa wind up in cement casts or is he our masked Horseboy?
5. Elvis Presflea. Presflea was the most gorgeous black race horse of his era. He was trotted out to Hollywood agents and cast in bit parts and starring roles in numerous films. His fame steadily mounted, but sadly because of his blinders, his appetites overtook him and vets reported he colicked in 1977. No carcass was ever produced, enabling the media to make hay of his death. Nagging doubts persist as to his demise to this very day. Has Elvis Presflea left the building?
6. Could this creepy horsehead hide the famous, or infamous Waldo? My foals and I have been looking for him since their childhoods. Perhaps he has finally left the homogeneous herd and ventured out solo?
7. Whoa Biden. This toothy gray gelding was perpetually plagued with hoof and mouth disease. One day, he accused a fellow equine of ‘always being a smart ass’. Regal horses don’t take kindly to being compared to lowly donkeys….no matter how brilliant they are. Tragically, there have been many, many…way too many sightings of Whoa. Did his owner send Whoa out to pasture?? Did he twitch himself long enough to pose as Horseboy?
What hayseed tickles your nose? Cast your vote. Who do you think is Horseboy?