Everyone has skeletons in his closet, but not everyone has taught them to dance….my pastor, Burt Palmer in church last Sunday.
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A favorite photo of Joy’s mother and her twin sister |
If any one’s family tree had been stunted and wrecked by the disease of alcoholism…it was surely Joy’s. I experienced firsthand how the sinister disease had touched the lives of her brothers and sisters…even how it had wreaked havoc on their families. Many novels are waiting to be written filled with the unusual exploits of my family. Think Angela’s Ashes (by Frank McCourt) times 10. Once in a great while, I’d ask Mom about her childhood and she would clue me in.
She once told me of how abusive her father became when he drank. By all accounts he was a brilliant, perfectly civil man, but drinking brought out his dark side. Joy said she and her brothers and sisters hid in a bathroom when they heard their daddy hit the front door drunk. They lived in an upscale neighborhood of Oklahoma City called Nichols Hills. Seems Joy’s father did pretty well for himself during the Depression years. They often took in relatives and helped feed the neighbors and others struggling at the time. Mom recalled her dad coming home one evening and all the kids scrambled to the bathroom to avoid the destructive fallout. They could hear shouting, their mother crying and objects flying around the house. The episode must have gone on for some time and the children fell asleep in the locked bathroom. Joy’s memory was of getting up the next day and getting ready for school. As she walked from the house to the sidewalk, she saw the lovely curtains gently blowing out all the broken windows. Bits of destroyed furniture were scattered on the lawn. She said she cried as she went to school that day thinking of her beautiful, destroyed home. The incident was never spoken of again.
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Early WCTU poster |
Young Joy set her keen mind on writing and memorizing her speech. One afternoon, her father and a neighbor-friend asked Joy to recite her speech for them. She recited her speech on the front porch as her dad and the neighbor drank liberally from an open fifth of bourbon. She recalled walking over the passed out neighbor as she went back inside the house. The competition occurred a few days later in front of a large audience inside a packed church. Joy remembered hearing some of the youth delivering passionate speeches and scathing remarks about the evil of drink. Readying for her turn, she rehearsed the lines in her head. She stiffly strode to the podium. Silence. Throat-clearing. Nothing came to her. She looked at the packed house. She looked at her family beaming at her in expectation. Still nothing. Young Joy stood alone for an uncomfortable while trying to collect her thoughts and gather up the opening words to her finely prepared speech. Still nothing. She left the podium….unable to recall a single word.
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Joy in her room meeting a sweet, sweet baby. This visit raised her spirits. |
I wheeled Mom to the dining room where we sat at a nicely decorated table. Joy furtively looked at the other residents. One impeccably coiffed lady was dangerously close to falling headfirst into her mashed potatoes. Another man constantly chattered to himself and struggled to find his mouth with his fork. There were helpful aides feeding some of the residents. Everyone wore a large bib….some of them made of big pieces of molded plastic to catch the run-off. Joy and I weakly smiled at each other and tried not to notice how different this dining room and it’s residents were from her previous residence.
We ate quickly and hightailed it out of there to finish up some chores in her room. The Florence Nightingale-of-a-nurse who tirelessly helped us all day approached Joy in the hall.
How did you enjoy your dinner and the dining room? she chirped.
It’s not baaad……if you don’t mind eating in a morgue! was Joy’s acid reply.
Right then and there, Joy became one of Florence Nightingale’s favorite residents. Me?….my heart was racing and I promised myself I’d call the cardiologist in the morning.
Such a fun surprise to see Claire and me on your post! It was so fun to sit and visit with your sweet mom that day and get to introduce her to Claire. I've really enjoyed reading this series of posts about your Mom. Thank you for sharing 🙂
this window in to your Mom is a treasure. Thank you.
Oh Kate, there are so many layers woven through this lovingly written post. What a beautiful pair of sisters Joy and her twin are. This is a new phase you and she are entering, and like anything new, it will take adjustment and some faith to embrace – but from what you describe, it looks to be a positive and promising move, one where Joy can be happy, safe and comfortable. My heart twisted for the child she was, alcohol blights so many generations (as I know from experience), seems she certainly managed to rise above it all, and went on to raise a strong, compassionate and wise young lady. (Hugs)
This was so touching. I moved out into the country 8 years ago to be close by my mother in learning of her symptoms of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. Between mys sis and I we were able to help mom remain at home until her last year, when we had to put her in a home. It's been two years now since she died. The whole thing was quite hard watching her break, but it was rich too in many ways. I am still processing these last years. Thanks.