pick your fave

Guess who’s learning how to use polls in a blog post?

To keep your mind off Miley Cyrus and the disgusting twerking phenomenon, I offer you something light.

I’m your Redi-Whip in a can. You can consume this post with a spoon, or squirt it directly into your mouth. Sweet and refreshing.

Again, we are talking about fashion. Do I hear moaning?? Leave now, if you can’t stomach another fashion post. But I could use your help.

I found this Cache dress when taking my fearless clothing inventory. As per usual, the dress was sadly living in the black, moldy recesses of my closet. I’m sure it was purchased on sale and I never found the right accessories to pair with it. Because of my inventory, I rescued it yesterday and wore it to two highly important functions.

My wheels keep spinning. Picmonkey collage is a dangerous thing.
My wheels keep spinning. Picmonkey collage is a dangerous thing.

Now my brain is wondering……..‘Is there a way to take this basic black-and-white striped number and deck it out for Fall?’ Do you ever ask yourself questions like that?

I didn’t think so.

Will you take my poll. Please?! I have my top two faves, but I’d really like to know what the Poultry Nation thinks of these stylings.

Hello ***blowing microphone*** Anybody out there? Do it.

Choose your favorite summer into fall styling of this dress.

1.  The cropped red Jacket.

Classic. Colorful. Christmas?
Classic. Colorful. Christmas?

2.  Black cashmere sweater.

Pair with black horn-rimmed glasses. Meet me at the library for a good time.
Pair with black horn-rimmed glasses. Meet me at the library for a good time.

3.  The jean jacket.

My fragrance? Eau de Steve McQueen.
My fragrance? Eau de Steve McQueen.

4.  Orange belted blazer.

No, I didn't attend UT. Boo-mer Soo-ner.
No, I didn’t attend UT. Boo-mer Soo-ner.

5.  Black military blazer.

The few. The proud. The fashionistas.
The few. The proud. The fashionistas.

I’ll let you know the results and which were my top picks by the end of the week. Thanks for voting and eating whipped cream with me.

You may continue.

Don’t think about twerking. It’s not ladylike.

Black and white love to all.

more fashion: the missing piece

Remember my fearless closet inventory?  The shopping in my closet and taking pictures of outfits? How this compulsive activity was akin to six months of psychotherapy and I could spot certain trends and patterns in my personality through my choices in clothing?

Whew…..I need medication.

The closet inventory revealed a mystery missing piece. A piece able to impart a certain hip agrarianism,  a je ne sais quoi attitude and a deep river of coolness.

Wanna take a guess what I needed to make my sartorial life blessedly complete??

Did you guess a bustier?? Wrong, poultry-breath! It’s a jean jacket!!

jeanjacket
Sprout #2 gave me this cropped number. It’s from White House/Black Market.

Jean jackets mean never having to say you’re sorry. A jean jacket is timeless and mixes with everything. Looks like you’ve just taken a long, satisfying drag from a Marlboro.

steve mcqueen
Don’t tell the Texan I was in love with this man.

Here’s a dress I discovered in the dark recesses of my closet. I’ve had it probably 2 or 3 years and I’ve never worn it. Still has the price tag on it. It’s a Michael Kors dress. I spotted it at my fave outlet store (Saks Off Fifth) in Castle Rock, Colorado. How could I possibly resist a designer dress at such a drastically reduced price??

22a
Another example of my love affair with beige and understated belts.

Not sure WHERE I thought I’d wear this spicy, habanero number. I can hear you shouting in unison…..’a Christmas party!’ I’ve never worn it…..maybe it’s too red, too gold, too shiny or too sleeveless-y. Fits great, though.

Look how the attitude changes when a jean jacket and casual belt are added.

23a
This ensemble proclaims, ‘Yeah, I’m at your Christmas party but I’ve got some serious business later with my John Deere. Let’s get on with it.’ Perfection.

A sublime blend of yin and yang, shiny and rough, fancy and plain, lollipops and cigarettes, Mary Poppins and Steve McQueen. This outfit gets my stamp of approval and I’m gonna wear it!

The jean jacket goes with everything. Pair it with pants, skirts and dresses.

jeanjacketcollage
Some dresses and one skirt I paired with the jacket.

I can hear you gasping, ‘Does she wear bright blue glittery flowers on her hips in public?’ Guilty. Fashion rules are made to be broken, dah-ling!

Now, grab your jean jacket and start shoppin’ your closet. Maybe you’ll discover your inner Steve McQueen.

Denim-y love to all.

sartorial obsession

Obsession. Compulsion. Iz haz it. Need proof? I remind you of the DONUT TOWER incident.

style
Style?? I’m not too sure. You be the judge.

I’m going to confess something startling and crazy. Please be kind.

I just went shopping in my closet and photographed the outfits I put together. Thought this would solve the repetitive complaint, ‘I don’t have ANYTHING to wear!’

This was not a-couple-of-hours task. Ask the Texan. My sunroom was covered under mountains of clothing for days.

It’s like I just completed 6 months of therapy. Took a fearless clothing inventory. Discovered some of my sartorial personality traits.

If you, fellow Chicken-Winger, had questioned me about my personal style, I would’ve responded with terms like classic and subdued. Lots of black and cream.

I delude myself. Behold.

chartreusedress
Do not adjust your computer monitor. Wear protective UV glasses to prevent retinal damage.

KAA-POW!!

Is this chartreuse? Tell me…..

In my defense, this peplum-number fits like a dream. Still haven’t found the perfect occasion for this dress…..yet.

Wedding? No.

Shower? Uhmmm……no.

Church? nyet.

Meeting of National Coalition of Color-Blind Persons (NCCBP)? Perhaps.

I’ve got it…..Texan, let’s go to VEGAS!

I have an abundance of information to impart….. like how I have bravely embraced ‘man-clothes’ and oxford shoes. The absolute necessity of having the perfect shrug to cover those saggy upper arms. How I have prepared for clothing Armageddon by stuffing my closet with a dozen variations of the little black dress. Thats LBD, to us fashionistas.

I’m armed with photographs, and I love over-sharing.

This post was going to be a tome, so I simplified and it will be a series. Want to keep you on the edge of your closet chairs!

Take a peek into one soul-satisfying result of my foray into shopping my closet. Feel free to tell me what you think and join in the wacky fun. Do you have an item in your closet you love, but you never wear it? You can’t find a THING to go with it? Me, too. Before I took certain steps.

I found a preppy sweater (from Talbots) I never wear. I like this sweater because it shouts,

‘I may be at this meeting, but I have important work later at the golf course. Let’s get on with it!’ Perfect.

The ankle jeans are fun….but the light color makes them a little difficult to mix/match.

7a
OK. Pants go with sweater. Kinda preppy and summery.

Can I give this ensem-bleh a little more weight?

9a
Skinny black belt. I kinda like it.

More weight, still?

10a
The addition of black jewelry and my studded ‘rocker’ belt.

Is there a way to take this spring/summer outfit into Fall??

11a

Bam! The addition of my favorite gray, menswear-inspired jacket completes the meeting/office/golf course look.

The addition of ……what? Black flats. short black boots to finish it off? You tell me.

Don’t say spiky heels or pointy, pointy flats. Ain’t nobody got time for that. My gout-toe shouts ‘Enough!’

Know what’s amusing about this clothing-organization compulsion?

I’m in workout or yoga gear all day, every day. Who am I foolin’ by pretending I have somewhere important to go?

ryan gosling
A tribute to my cute yoga instructor, Cynthia.

Good enough for me.

Stay tuned for more de-cluttering closet chaos.

Ryan Gosling love to all.

80’s ugliness

The middle sprout took umbrage at the family photo used in my Mother’s Day post last week. Seems the sprout has issues with the fashion sensibilities of the 1980’s. Roll your mouse over the pixel face to see crimper carnage. Be warned: this photo may cause migraines, loss of consciousness, and anal leakage.

OK, I’ll take responsibility for the hair…but the smile? That’s all on her. What psychotropic drug was I enjoying in the 1980’s that deluded me into thinking brittle, over-permed hair was beautiful? Worse still, I inflicted the sizzling-hot, belgian-waffle iron crimper on my middle sprout’s dark, luxurious, virgin mane…why, it seems criminal in hindsight! Being a fastidious mother (with an extra pinch of crr-ayy-zee), I probably drizzled warm maple syrup and melted butter on her head, as well. Sorry middle sprout, I mistakenly thought we were on the razor’s edge of 80’s coolness.

Clothes were butt-ugly in the 80’s.

My deepest and heartfelt apologies, Landrey’s Seafood and MC Hammer. Nobody WINS in an ensemble (pronounced ‘awhn-sahm-bleh‘) like this. I could claim I was attending a female referee convention or a juggling conference, but that would be a LIE. I was an over-zealous convert to the ‘vertical stripes are SLIMMING’ theology. I must have despised my lower body.

Oh, and more hair tragedy.

Over-permed, close-cropped and KFC extra-crispy. You could bowl a 300 with that head of hair! Aren’t you inclined to run your fingers through it?  It’s OK….I’ve got the band-aids handy. The sprouts grew up quizzically looking at family photos and inquiring, ‘Who is the young man always with us on our vacations??’ ‘Put a sock in it, sprouts. Errr….don’t you recognize your lovely and stylish mother!?’ In those days, I was Jack’s sidekick…the beanstalk….but alas, no longer. Just another of the myriad ways I scarred the sprouts.

I’ll end with this one.

Yup, it’s the same crimped-hair sprout. It proves I did at one time know how to dress her age-appropriately.  And her hair is blessedly normal…see?  Photo-journalistic proof of the middle sprout’s adorableness quotient.  As I recall, that quotient was off the charts……crimper or not…..