the alien is comin’ out

Maybe I’m judging too harshly.  I’m not sure I like it….it’s not what I expected.  Can I send it back? 

No, I’m not talking about a white elephant Christmas gift.  I’m talking about 2011.  I won’t bore you with too many details, but I’m finding my existence kinda…um…stressful.  Nothing happening many of you haven’t faced, but I’m having issues.  Already had several Serenity Prayer 911’s..

2011 finds me with one of these beauties strapped to my chest.

Not my ACTUAL chest.  Did you honestly think you would be so lucky?
It’s called a Holter Monitor.
´╗┐Your friendly physician slaps one of these on you when you tell him a marching band of ginormous bass drums is using your chest as their practice field.  Or when you complain the alien is finally gonna pop out.  Or when you nickname your heart Secretariat. 
I really am healthy as a horse.  Low cholesterol, low blood pressure, decent weight and good overall fitness.  Maybe my heart knows something I don’t, and it’s suspicious of 2011.  Maybe I’m having a breakdown.  Maybe its the dreaded WHORE-MOANS.  run!! 
Can’t wait to sleep the next 2 nights with the cord-y contraption.  Hope my sweating doesn’t short circuit the mother board.  Hope the Texan doesn’t receive a nasty shock when hoping to get lucky.  Hope Roxy Doxy doesn’t hang herself in it and have to gnaw through one of the electrodes.  Calling Serenity 911!
I’ll keep you posted.  Hope 2011 finds you with no aliens in your chest.
Marching band love to all.