success/failure

Discovered these photos and thought I’d share.

A big success this weekend:  made an apple pie with a homemade crust!

OK…maybe it doesn’t look THAT beautiful. Those are decorative leaves on the pie, people!

I was possessed. Had. to. make. apple. pie. I’ve never been a very successful pie maker….my crusts taste like salty boot leather. This time out, I utilized the nifty food processor to mix (not too much!) the fat and flour. I used mostly butter (with just a dab of the wonder-ingredient Crisco) for this pie crust. I rolled it out between 2 sheets of parchment paper. The crust was flaky, delicate and delicious. How could it not be wonderful with 8 gallons of butter? I waded through puddles of flour and toiled for hours wiping the embedded white stuff off the deco-molding on my 1960’s kitchen cabinets. Probably won’t be making pie again any time real soon.

Now for failure. I wanted to bring youmy valued chicken-wing reader…an adorable Halloween post. Something to tickle your funny bone and get you into the spirit of the wicked holiday. Yes….I was going to bring you the fearsome-ness of………..
SA-TAN! (bwah-ha-ha-ha-haaaaa)

Really?

I know…it was midday and the harsh light was unflattering. I know better.

Something is making me uncomfortable.

But I found this devil mask at the local walmarts and just HAD to show it to Roxy Doxy.


Hello?! Notice the slanted right eye! No good…..

 Have you ever noticed doxies have rather long, narrow faces?

I’ll pry the stupid thing off with my very own paws!

The satanical mask was grossly too wide for Doxy’s petite face….so I worked on it.

There’s a reason it’s called floral wire….it’s for FLOWERS.

Using available floral wire, I simple poked a couple holes in the bottom portion of the mask and twist-tied the wire around her snout.



Why couldn’t I have the Kim Kardashian custume??

Perhaps I turned the twisty-tie thingy a smidge too tight??


No amount of treats is worth this humiliation.

 I never got the perfect devil photo:

I hate you.

Big, mega FAIL. If it’s not Kim Kardashian or Lady GaGa, Roxy Doxy wants no part of it. Don’t feel too sorry for her. After the unsuccessful Satan photo shoot, I let Doxy engage in one of her FAVORITE activities.


Where’s the beef?

You guessed it! Sniffin’ out the walmarts bags for a special doggie treat!

Of course, she found one.

Enjoy your successes and learn from your perceived ‘failures’.

Oh…and it never hurts to add PLENTY of butter.

Autumnal love to all.

addictive as crack

Our argument started over these innocent objects.

I’m emceeing a popular fund-raiser for a local charity.  The charity is called Opportunity School.  Click the link….it’s an incredible school and it has helped many children in our community.  I had the emcee gig last year, as well…..so it was nice to be invited back.
This event includes a lovely dinner, cocktails and then a show consisting of funny, or novelty lip-synching acts performed by local ‘celebrities’.  It’s called LIPS.  It’s been a highly successful event and this is the 18th year!  As emcee, I try to keep the energy and the audience ‘up’ between acts.  I have to talk or do SOMETHING for around 1 to 1 1/2 minutes.  Sounds easy…but it’s daunting.
This is when the wiener dog inquisition ensued.

What’s with the severed hand?

I’m doing a spoof of the Beatle’s hit…I Wanna Hold Your Hand.  I might dance a little, too.

The pick and the waxed paper??

Playin’ audio kazoo trivia with the audience.  I’m humming classic TV themes and they’re supposed to guess the show.

The coonskin cap is passe.  Who cares about Davy Crockett?

Actually, it was Daniel Boone…..but I may not do it….

The blond wig….you’re doing Gaga aren’t you?  Tell me you’re NOT doing Gaga!….you’re coming out as Lady Gaga with a steak on your head.  That’s a lame excuse for her and her awesome AND fashionable meat dress!

Doxy….you might be a little biased….

How so?!

Meat….you adore meat!  Whether it’s laying over Gaga’s backside or resting between two buns….you’re always pro-meat!

If you’re gonna do Gaga, at least let me show you how to pose like her in Bad Romance.

Ummmmm….O.K., I’ll take that under advisement.

You’ll do ANYTHING for a laugh, you know.  Humiliate your family….your friends….your blameless pets!!  You have a problem-admit it.  You’re……you’re…….. a laugh-whore.  You’re ADDICTED to trying to make people laugh.  I think you’re a pun prostitute!

I like to think of myself as an innocent, carnard call-girl.

It’s not funny….it’s a serious addiction.  You’re a tall-tale tart, a microphone maniac, a ha-ha hussy!!

Can we STOP already with the alliteration?  I have to do my best to entertain the crowd.  If it humilites you, I’m sorry.  Doxy…..Roxy-Doxy?Are you still listening??  What in the hell are you doing?

This is how you should play Poker Face…….