sculptor

Discovered my inspiration this week. I’ve admired this piece for a few days now.

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art-it’s what’s for dinner

Perhaps I love it because Sprout #3 made it on his lathe and gifted it to me. Plenty reason enough!

 

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the wood chips are a-flyin’

 

Maybe I love it because it’s simply beautiful. Each of the bowls’ perfect imperfections combines to make it singularly unique. I’m mesmerized by the yin of the smooth wood and the yang of the rugged, rough-bark edge.

The Sprout explained each block of wood is called a blank. He mounts the blank, sets the lathe to spinning and patiently applies his trusty bowl gouge-and voila!….a bowl is born. Although the bowl has entered existence, it must undergo certain time-consuming steps to becoming its best bowl-self. It must dry and cure in wood shavings. The wood needs to cure, but not too rapidly, to prevent future cracking. After it has dried for some time (months), the woodworker must diligently sand, apply sealer, sand, apply sealer, sand and….well, you get it. This entire process reminds me of the Michelangelo quote:

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My life spins like that wood block on the lathe lately. Events happen and I don’t comprehend. Enough with applying the bowl gouge already, ok? It’s painful and I’m not privy to the intricacies of the process. I didn’t attend woodworking school. The wood chips are swirling. Some days I want to jump off that lathe and return to my previous carefree tree-self. Is this my drying out phase so I don’t split later, or is this the sanding and re-sanding part? I don’t know.

I do know these struggles are not unique to me. We ALL have ’em. For me right now it’s health issues but your struggle might be your broken relationship with your parents or children, your spouse’s alcoholism, your sexuality, a cancer diagnosis, your depression, your lonely empty nest, your dead-end job, your failing marriage, your barely making it from paycheck to paycheck, your PTSD, or the unexpected death of someone dear to you. It could be a crisis of faith.

I adore this bowl because it reminds me of the Master Sculptor. I’ve put my life in the hands of the Wise Woodworker. The Brilliant Bowl Maker. The Lord of the Lathe….enough alliteration…I can’t stop myself! However clumsily I phrase it, I trust the process of becoming and I’m assured my life is in loving hands. One day I’m going to be a gorgeous, one-of-a-kind bowl! Yessir! A bowl with rings closely spaced to indicate I stood proudly during the tough, drought-y years. A bowl with widely-spaced rings to testify I raised a glass to the wet and bountiful years. A bowl large enough to hold a lot of cool things.

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Today I’ve been looking up.

 

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photo-public-domain.com

 

Here’s a reminder on my desk. Do you ever feel like you need Cliffs Notes for daily life??

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You are becoming quite a handsome bowl, in my opinion. Yes….you’re looking more and more like ART to me. I like that.

The bowl with the rough edges? Yeah….it’s me. How’d you guess?!

Lumber-y love to all.

 

 

 

 

 

my type of excitement

Here on the blog, I endeavor to keep you readers up-to-speed on the latest trends. I’m your gal for all things dump,

dump-cakes

wiener-dog,

roxy

senior fashion

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and arts happenings in our town.

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You’ll be relieved to know I’m taking time away from snapping heart-stopping photos for my new action-photography book, Captivating Drain Covers of the 19th Century, to pursue a new hobby. I’m sweeping aside (for now!) my research paper on the Breeding Habits of Dust Bunnies and I’m explaining to Benjamin Moore how I can no longer accept remuneration as the Official 2015 Paint Dry Timer. The Texan wants me to give up editing my new cookbook, 1001 Uses for White Rice, to free up more time in my schedule.

What’s the new hobby?

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I’m making homemade yogurt!! I know, I know….pop that nitro-glycerin tab now so your heart doesn’t explode from all the dairy excitement. I bought this yogurt maker from Amazon. It’s a neat little contraption and it ferments 7 perfectly wonderful little jars of tasty yogurt. Upon spying the organic whole milk in the fridge, the tall Texan cross-examined me.

What’s this?

It’s organic whole milk.

Why did you buy organic milk?!

You know….they say it’s healthier for you. It comes from cows that haven’t been treated with antibiotics.

So…you’re buying milk from only sick cows?

At any rate, I’m enjoying my creamy homemade yogurt. I eat it with a drizzle of honey topped with blueberries or granola. Better than ice cream and so good for the gut. Can you say pro-bye-ought-icks? Probably not, if you’re under 50.

As for arts happenings, I recently witnessed a certain individual discovering her favorite genre of music. This revelation made my heart soar as I discerned this was the type of music for which she was created. Who would’ve guessed? I thought she was created for square dancing. Boy, was I wrong!

The hips never lie. This gal lives for the blues. RIP B.B. King

Hope you are enjoying your inspiration this week.

Dance-like-no-one-is-watching love to all.

a stick for what ails you

Don’t usually advocate products here on the blog. Unless it’s something spectacular like a Dump Cake, then I’m all over it. You guys are smart enough to know what you like.

However, there’s now a revolutionary new product on the market…..so sublime…..so manifique…..we should stampede our local walmarts to get one. No, it’s not the new iphone. How passé!

Is your window on the world a little dreary? Tired of gazing outside at naked trees and mountains of unmelting snow?

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Let’s be honest. Are your grandkids really not all that CUTE?

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Is your dog lounging on the sofa passing gas instead of performing picture-worthy stunts?

Our very own American Sniper. Good dog.

Tired of watching the endless videos of beheadings?

photo courtesy BuzzFeed
photo courtesy BuzzFeed

Spice up your life with a SELFIE-STICK. Finally….something worthy of a photo!!

When I viewed this video of President Obama goofing with a selfie-stick, I KNEW I had to own one!

http://thesource.com/2015/02/15/watch-president-obama-makes-faces-and-uses-a-selfie-stick-in-buzzfeed-video-to-promote-health-care/

I’ve been perfecting the ‘one eye tongue out’ look for days!

Obama
photo New York post

No matter how hard I try, I can’t seem to master this face. He’s probably spent hours….maybe days!….practicing. With commitment and hard work I WILL succeed. Practice makes perfect.

I still have trouble with Blue Steel.

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Don’t you dare ask me to show you my El Tigre. It’s nowhere near selfie-worthy yet. Maybe someday!!

Don’t want to be caught on the short end of the stick, so I’ll be capturing myself in the front row of cool sporting events.

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I’ll always share with you how fine I  look in my new new ride.

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Want to know how impossibly important I am? Yep, I can demonstrate that for you, too. Important-person-funeral selfie!!

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Fun times.

Maybe I’ll get really lucky and witness a car wreck or a burning building. How cool would it be to see me in front of that!??

You can purchase the selfie-stick at Walmart for $14.99.

Feel free to send me your favorite selfie in the comments section. I could look at selfies all day.

Snapshots of love to all.

 

super friday

Gotta go to the grocery store today. Like you, I’m preparing for Sunday. I don’t care one whit about the football-cheaters or the deflated balls (I said balls!) or who is smack-talking whom. It’ll be the ‘pigs in a blanket’ showdown over here and I’ll snap to attention whenever a Budweiser Clydesdale or cute puppy appear on the boob tube. I brake for Dorito ads, too.

Thought I’d bring you up-to-speed on comings and goings.

Last week found us in Florida enjoying a vacation with lots of the fam.

Florida. Is it any wonder they have sinkhole issues?
Florida. Is it any wonder they have sinkhole issues?

There were activities for every age group.

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I enjoyed whacking the golf ball and taking a few golf lessons. That means I’ve totally changed my grip and swing and can now only contact the ball 1 out of every 10 attempts. ***sigh***

This guy’s little sis had to spend some time in the hospital recently, so he bunked with us for the night.

I love this interesting little guy.

We’re grateful and blessed the little girl is better.

It snowed. A lot.

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Ready for a lifestyle yarn?  We live outside the city in a rambling ranch house. We love it, but living in the serene country comes with tradeoffs. Recently, I’ve been battling mice. Think Don Quixote. Haven’t had any of the greasy buggers in a long while, but this winter they are determined to invade our space. I’ve fought them off with every kind of trap imaginable.

One evening, I flipped on a light in our kitchen and spied a nasty gray rodent peeking around the door threshold. Our eyes met. I froze. He froze. I did what I had to do………”TEX…..AN!!!!” The Texan leapt to my aid with the faithful wiener dog at his side. The wily mouse was still unmoving (was he sick, or what?). Should we grab the flyswatter, or a shoe and pummel the vermin to death? The Texan and I pondered for a split second before realizing the short answer to our dilemma. In unison we commanded, “Doxy! Skit it! Skit it, Doxy!!” With her green light, the fearless wiener immediately pounced on the offending mouse, chomped on it once and slammed it to the ground. She wiped her paws in victory and it was all over in literally 2 seconds.

Our very own American Sniper. Good dog.
Our very own American Sniper. Good dog.

Even though I have the protection of the killer doxy, I still set some sticky traps around the house. I wanted to wipe out any laggers.

Got really lucky when I checked my traps the other day. You’ll never believe it.

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Score!! I snared a goldendoodle. I hear they are high-dollar, designer dogs! Bet I can reap a pretty nickel from this catch.

I’m watching my sticky traps to see what I ensnare next. Maybe a fox…..or a bald eagle. Yeah, a bald eagle. That would be cool.

Enjoy your super weekend of hot wings.

Better mouse-trap love to all.

resolution fun

 

 

 

Did you make any New Year’s resolutions? Is resolving to more fully appreciate red wine a resolution?

I resolved to continue to get more familiar with the controls on the big camera this year (how many years have I said I was going to do this?! how dim am I when it comes to my dslr? don’t answer!) The mighty Nikon presents me with challenges and I’m certain I can overcome them.

Thought I’d try one of those annoying ‘photo a day’ challenges. The one I’m participating in (I’ve made it to day 7…yay!) is on Instagram. The hashtag is #fmsphotoaday. I’ve had fun, but I’m not sure I’m learning the Nikon because it’s so easy to snap an image on the cell phone. Thought I’d show you a few of the Instagram photo-a-day projects.

Photo challenge of the day….round

my interpretation of 'round'.
my interpretation of ’round’.

Square…exciting photography prompts, no?

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Currently reading

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heh.

In the process of trying to be all creative for my photo challenges, I discovered a photo editing app for my Android called Pho.to Lab PRO. For a measly $3.99, I’ve been able to create blockbuster images such as these:

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Me n my man Usher at the Grammys.
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I’m the groupie in the van. If you don’t recognize these hunks…you are old and out of it.
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Made the cover of Senior Maxim. This might have made me wet my pants a little. Luckily, Depends undergarments are big advertisers in Senior Maxim. Got plenty in my swag bag.

Not sure if I’m increasing my camera/photo editing knowledge….but it keeps me amused. It’s confirmed…I have the sense of humor of an 8 year-old boy. Can fart jokes be far behind?

I leave you with this.
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All together now…..awwwwwwwwwh. Cute overload! Love these munchkins. Here’s hoping they never discover my warped sense of humor.

You are special. You deserve your own cover. How about Mad?  Wait….I hear Alfred E. Newman already has that gig.

Maxim-y love to all.

 

spirit

 

 

 

Christmas Eve finds my wrapping room looking like this.

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still have presents to wrap

 

Attempted to take my festive yearly weiner-dog tidings of great joy shot, but the pose wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.

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JOY!!

I swear that dog gets closer to the ground every year…even flat on my belly is not low enough for this portrait. Geez.

Made a nerdy Christmas shirt for the Grandson.

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Made it with left over fabric from his sister’s Christmas dress. I’m all about matching these days.

He pronounced it ‘comfy’. Success.

Waiting on some loved ones to arrive and make our Christmas celebration complete.

Random Christmas Rant: This Elf on the Shelf business is ridiculous, people. Let me get this straight…there’s an elf in your house the kids are not allowed to touch. He/she is spying on them and reporting straight to police Santa on their naughty/nice behavior. Then the despised beloved snitch-elf flies back to the North Pole after Christmas leaving the tiny tots in tear-puddles of abandonment. This is helpful during the Christmas season? rrriiiight.

May I offer a healthier option? Behold.

wienerinthewindowI’m calling her Weiner in the Window. The little doxy-reindeer never snitches. She greets your return with unbridled excitement. She doesn’t give a royal rip if you’re naughty or nice as long as there are abundant dog treats and a warm booty to curl up in bed with every night. You’re allowed to touch her all you want and she hangs around AFTER Christmas. She serves as a nice plate-licker, as well.

Weiner in the Window. It has a nice ring…..

Enjoy this day. Hope you will be blessed by the presence of the Christ-child’s arrival. Hope you always find something welcoming in your window.

Festive love to all.

 

 

the culprit

It’s been chaos digging out from under the mountain of votes for the murderous canine. All. 4. of. them. Whew! You weren’t aware we were having a vote? Read HERE.

Most of you intuitively knew who the guilty dog was….EXCEPT for:

JACKIE….Sophie, the old Bichon? A bold out-of-the-box choice. Maybe in her younger days!

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AUDREY….the Mastiff?? He’s big, but I don’t see death and destruction in his eyes. He might’ve accidentally stepped on a bunny and squashed it.

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Reba couldn’t be the killer, cuz like I said…..VAPID. Doodles!?

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The black lab, Mambo couldn’t have done it unless the rabbit was out for a swim. Seems unlikely.

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Rosie the border collie could only accidentally herd the rabbit to death. Not this time.

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Charlie the boxer? Naw….he’s too busy trying to breathe. He couldn’t sniff out a rabbit.

charlieThat leaves PHYLLIS and SUZY as our winners!! They voted for the fiercest sniffer and tracker of them all. Roxy Doxy!! You ladies are BRILLIANT! (and slightly twisted for reading this blog)

doxyguiltyIs it because I forced her to pose with PEEPS at Easter that she despises rabbits?

Or, did she kill the rabbit because her brain is hardwired to sniff out fearsome badgers? Did you know her breed originated in Germany where they were bred to fearlessly enter badger-holes and kill them. To drive home how incredible this is, you must watch the honey badger video. I know it’s old, but it makes me cry with laughter every time I see it. Randall’s narration is priceless. If you want a laugh, watch it HERE.

Well….the contest is over. Thanks to all who participated. Now, I have to learn how to live with this killer. Eleven pounds of heat-seeking-missile rabbit-terror.

Roxy&robIt’s a big responsibility.

Anyone else craving marshmallows?

Hope your week is outstanding.

Mystery-solving love to all.